Dick Cheney: Charges - War Crimes, Genocide, Mass Murder, War Profiteering, Treason, Sedition, Perjury, Witness Tampering, Subornation of Perjury, Obstruction of Justice. More charges likely as additional facts are developed. Cheney is thought to be the current head of the Bush Crime Family (BCF). Despite retaining the Bush name, it is widely believed that the organization is largely under the control of others. Cheney, a lifelong BCF operative, seized control of the cabal by essentially selecting himself prior to the successful 2000 Coup. Caution. Subject is currently under the full protection BCF and all elements of government under its direct control. This makes his apprehension at the current time nearly impossible. Additionally, subject is often armed and has shown a propensity for violence. Don Rumsfeld (AKA Rummy): Charges - War Crimes, Aiding and Abetting Genocide, Aiding and Abetting Mass Murder, Conspiracy to Commit Mass Murder, Treason, Sedition, Perjury, Obstruction of Justice. Rumsfeld is a long-time Bush Crime Family (BCF) operative who first aligned himself with the Cheney faction in Nixon's corrupt administration in the late 1960's. He is generally viewed as the current number two man in the organization. Rumsfeld was formerly the top representative of the BCF in its dealings with Saddam Hussein. These efforts are widely believed to have aided in the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction and laid the groundwork for the subsequent dismantling of Iraq . Caution. Subject is currently in control of the BCF's military division and has access to weapons of mass destruction, including nuclear weapons. Despite public bouts of dementia, he should be considered to be dangerous. If seen, take no immediate action other than to contact the appropriate authorities. UPDATE: 11-14-06 -- Rumsfeld is forced to resign as Secretary of Defense in BCF shake-up following failure to successfully manipulate vote totals a la 2000 and 2004. War crime charges filed with German prosecutors against Rumsfeld, Alberto Gonzales and other prominent BCF members. Rumsfeld responds by immediately canceling scheduled trip to Latvia . He is expected to carefully review travel plans in light of his status as a wanted war criminal. Condi Rice: Charges - War Crimes, Aiding and Abetting Genocide, Aiding and Abetting Mass Murder, Conspiracy to Commit Mass Murder, Treason, Sedition, Perjury, Lying Before Congress, False Statements, and Obstruction of Justice. Rice is a lifelong Bush Crime Family operative long active in the oil industry. After having an oil tanker named after her, she transferred directly to the BCF faction headed by the Bushes, themselves. She was initially hired as a geography tutor for GW Bush as he prepared to begin his failed presidential campaign which resulted in the 2000 coup. It is suspected by many that in addition to providing assistance with geography, Rice began a sexual relationship with GW Bush, thus sealing her presence in this faction's inner-circle. Rice has been described as an intellectual lightweight and likely poses little danger. Her apprehension continues to be hampered by the regime's protection, although she has been known to venture out in Manhattan, presumably to go shoe shopping. If seen, deliver a swift kick in the rear prior to turning her over to the proper authorities. Alberto Gonzales (AKA Torture Boy): Charges - War Crimes, Aiding and Abetting Torture, Aiding and Abetting Genocide, Aiding and Abetting Mass Murder, Aiding and Abetting Assault With Intent to Inflict Bodily Harm, Treason, Sedition, Perjury, Subornation of Perjury, Obstruction of Justice. Gonzalez is an old Bush hand from Texas where he cut his teeth subverting justice during GW Bush's term as governor. His most noteworthy accomplishment was obstructing justice during GW Bush's brush with jury duty. Gonzalez counseled Governor Bush to leave blank a juror's questionnaire where his previous drunk driving conviction should have been disclosed. This fraud on the court succeeded and Bush's "secret" was safe, until such time determined by his handlers. The net effect to Gonzalez was to boost his standing within the enterprise. He was quickly tapped for duties in Washington immediately following the Coup of 2000. Gonzalez may be questioned by some "true believers," but his efforts at subverting justice have enabled the regime to inflict scores of casualties and maintain a climate of fear. Beneath a seemingly friendly exterior lies a serial enabler of torture and torture tactics. Caution. Subject is currently chief law enforcement officer of the BCF and as such has unlimited access to law enforcement assets, including personnel and weapons. Do not attempt to apprehend the subject. If seen, immediately contact the appropriate authorities. Colin Powell: Charges - War Crimes, Aiding and Abetting Genocide, Aiding and Abetting Mass Murder, Treason, Sedition, Dereliction of Official Duties, Perjury, Obstruction of Justice, False Statements, Fraud. Powell was tapped by the regime as its face of moderation and thus added tremendous credibility when he was brought on board for the plundering of Iraq. Prior to this time, Powell was a respected, albeit intellectually weak, soldier and diplomat. BCF elements succeeded in wooing Powell into the most radical crew of the enterprise. Powell is best known for holding what appeared to be a crack vial up before the United Nations, claiming it represented what a similar vial of a WMD would look like in the hands of Saddam Hussein. Despite the fact that this particular crack vial had never contained a WMD, Powell's reputation prevailed and the point was made. It is widely believed that Powell has since had a deep falling-out with his connections within the BCF. Powell appears to be ready to surrender, make a full admission and attempt to restore his previous standing. The seriousness of his crimes may render this strategy moot. Powell is rarely seen in public and has likely altered his schedule to avoid apprehension. Contact appropriate authorities immediately if seen. Michael Chertoff (AKA the Skull): Charges - Genocide, Treason, Sedition, Perjury, Subornation of Perjury, Lying to Congress, False Statements, Obstruction of Justice, Conspiracy, Fraud. Chertoff is a lifelong BCF operative who initially rose to prominence as the first assistant to Samuel Alito in the office of the US attorney for the District of NJ. Chertoff's ruthless prosecution of perceived enemies elevated him to Alito's position when his boss moved-up the judicial corporate ladder to the Third Circuit Court of Appeals. Chertoff's tenure in NJ oversaw widespread criminal activity. His term is perhaps best remembered for media manipulation and case selection predicated on what would best generate publicity for the office, and Chertoff. This effort was succinctly described by Judge Sol Wachtler's daughter when she stated that "Michael Chertoff used my father's body to further his career." Chertoff, himself, appeared before Judge Alfred Lechner, Jr. to argue for the early release of pedophile who rendered assistance (gave perjured testimony) in a politically motivated "fraud" case. This inability to balance the equities proved to be a reoccurring theme throughout Chertoff's career. Interestingly, the judge granting the sentence reduction later retired when his judicial temperament was cited as a disqualifying factor in his being denied a promotion to the federal appellate court. Chertoff is widely believed to have authored the Patriot Act at the direction of the regime, possibly in anticipation of 9/11. Many believe that if there were one government actor having any involvement with the attacks of 9/11, it would likely be Michael Chertoff. Nevertheless, his overseeing of the Katrina genocide seems to be uncontroverted. He is described as an unwavering ideologue who will go to any lengths to protect and advance the enterprise. Caution. Subject is a career operative of BCF and currently enjoys its full protection while acting as its Homeland Czar. He is believed to travel only at night and in the company of armed guards. Do not attempt to apprehend this subject. If seen, immediately contact the appropriate authorities. Christopher Christie (AKA Big Boy): Charges - Treason, Sedition, Perjury, Subornation of Perjury, False Statements, Witness Tampering, Obstruction of Justice, Mail Fraud, Wire Fraud, Continuing Criminal Enterprise, Conspiracy, Extortion. Additional charges may be forthcoming as more details come to light. Christie is perhaps the most dangerous man no one has ever heard of. He is currently the US attorney for the district of New Jersey, the same office and position that prepped Michael Chertoff and Samuel Alito. Christie is no doubt aware of how his current post was successfully utilized as a springboard by his predecessors. It can only be assumed that Christie harbors similar plans for ascension into the BCF hierarchy. Christie and his brother are currently active in subverting campaign finance law and funneling vast sums of cash to far-right candidates. Christie's brother, a stockbroker of sorts, was charged along with dozens of coworkers in a massive securities fraud. While others readied for prison, the charges against Christie's brother mysteriously evaporated. Christie is another career opportunist who believes he, too can parlay a phony crime-fighting resume into higher aspirations. His term has been marked by the same kind of high profile, low value prosecutions that became the hallmark of his predecessors. This office has been under the control of rogue elements of the federal government for decades. Caution. Subject is an active BCF operative and often travels in the company of armed guards. Christie occasionally appears in public, but is rarely seen outside of scripted events. If seen, do not attempt to apprehend the subject. Immediately contact the appropriate authorities.